So how did I do it? Well, a bottle of wine and a block of chocolate certainly helped, as did the fact I have no life and a couple of hours to kill. What did I find? Frankly, A LOT. There are the not so good, the very bad, and the ones that have permanently scarred my retinas. If you care to read on, you might want your own bottle of wine for encouragement – or at the very least – to dull the senses. In no particular order, this is my top 5.
I Wanna Marry Harry
The premise: twelve American girls vie for the affections of Prince Harry.
The reality: we know it’s not Prince Harry but a look-alike. However, these women are led to believe he’s the real deal. They have a castle, a butler, and the guy is a passable likeness for the world’s most famous ranga – if you close one eye and squint with the other. Fortunately, it bombed in the ratings and was pulled off air after only four episodes. Apparently, the remaining episodes are available somewhere on the net, but I was not going there.
The premise: a bunch of mothers help their sons in finding the perfect woman.
The reality: don’t get this one confused with a current show, I Love a Mama’s Boy. This Momma’s Boys aired originally in 2008, and it can stay there well and truly! Because this show is The Bachelor meets Jerry Springer – and yes, it’s that bad. Need I say anymore when the women are eliminated by text, the guys need to grow up, and the mothers are just plain creepy!
Conveyer Belt Of Love
The premise: thirty guys are on parade and have 60 seconds to impress five women.
The reality: sixty seconds is way too long for some of these guys! One read poetry – and it wasn’t very good. One of them played the ukulele – having clearly watched 50 First Dates too many times. But kudos to the guy (must ignore the fact he’s wearing speedos) who brought a puppy with him. Well played, dude. Well played. The best thing about this show? The women get to hold up a sign with either Interested or Not Interested on it, and I wish we could all respond to life like that or maybe that’s just me?
The premise: a dating show that follows a couple during three dates, two of those dates held during a Red Sox game.
The reality: It’s bizarre. It’s weird. There is more action on the field. And It beggars belief that someone dreamed this one up and thought it was good enough to air. FOR TWO SEASONS, I kid you not! If you can find it to watch, don’t do it.
Game Of Clones
The premise: stars from MTV date seven clones who look like their celebrity crush.
The reality: Let me first say I’m talking about the USA version of this show from 2019. Not the UK show from 2017 nor that other show about dragons, incest, and death. Also, let me say that I have no freaking clue as to who these so-called stars are, but quickly recognise they’re just trying to prolong their fifteen minutes of fame when they should have given up a helluva long time ago!
In this show, seven people get a makeover to look like someone else, which is totally not creepy and think this is an ideal way to start a potential relationship! In the Megan Fox clones episode, one girl claims she’s doing this because she wants to try something “new”, and I’m thinking just go and buy a pair of shoes. While in the long-hair-does-not-make-you-look-like-Jason-Momoa episode, one guy’s reaction when the girl walks into the room had me swallowing my own vomit. Which was when I called it quits.
There is not enough wine in this world to make me do this again!