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I watched Bachelor in Paradise…and had so many thoughts

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I watched Bachelor in Paradise…and had so many thoughts

Kaneana May, author of The One, recaps the Bachelor in Paradise premiere!

 

via GIPHY

** So do we Tara **


  1. Last night we were presented with a brand-new Australian season of Bachelor in Paradise. The opening sequence promises us controversy, plenty of tears, steamy romance and girl-on-girl action. But what’s more, it promises fans will see Ritchie and Alex Nation come face to face again for the first time after their break-up. Fans are squealing at home because this season promises to be a good one!

 

  1. With the continual use of aerial shots of an amazing resort in Bali, along with what appears to be endless cocktails, the show claims ‘this is paradise’, but audience members have seen how the show works before and know that plenty of the contestants are likely to be burnt along the way, so we smugly sit on our lounges and think is it really paradise?

 

  1. As we meet the onslaught of contestants, we’re told they’ve all been ‘tempted for a second chance’ at love. As many of the contestants walk down the pathway they claim ‘I can’t believe I’m doing it again …’ And frankly, we are wondering why on earth you’re putting yourself through it again, but at the same time we’re cheering you on! May you find love this season …

 

  1. Each contestant, while interviewed by a producer, had to say what they would have been ‘best known for’ in the season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette in which they appeared. My favourite was most definitely Bill being burnt by the producer, who suggested the line, ‘People best know me for introducing my ex to Ali’. Oh yes, Bill – we all remember that awkward moment of your hometown date!

 

  1. Audiences across the nation applaud to see Brooke, a fan favourite on Nick’s season. And what’s more … she declares she wants a guy or girl who knows what they want. Well … opportunities are aplenty for Brooke on BIP!

  1. We also learn that Nick has been in contact with Brooke post his season! Our jaws drop at this news … and we immediately want to know more! She claims, ‘I’d leave the show if he was here.’ And we all wonder (and possibly hope) that Nick might show up …

 

  1. Next up is the arrival of Cat, who proudly caused a bit of shit in Nick’s season. Cast members appear nervous about her arrival, while the rest of us at home can’t wait for her to bring out her claws!

 

  1. Brittany, ‘the girl remembered for her failed congo’. Cue laughter and cringing as we’re shown footage of this! She has more energy than a hyperactive puppy and manages to make even Paddy a little unsure about the stream of words coming out of her mouth. Music man: play some congo music please!

  1. In comes Alex, straight-faced, loaded with muscles and a Russian-American accent. If his looks and body alone weren’t enough to make the others a little insecure, the fact that no one knows who he is, (‘fresh blood!’ is screamed), makes the guys immediately start bolstering themselves by saying if Alex couldn’t secure love in the US, maybe he isn’t that big a threat.

 

  1. And maybe we should just mention that Alex is a lap dancing master. Remember when he lap danced someone’s grandmother on the Ellen show? Fans immediately start wondering if a lap dancing challenge will be scheduled for this season …

  1. In comes a long-haired goddess; it’s Rachel, the girl who cried her way through Ritchie’s season of The Bachelor. She admits she still has a soft spot for ‘adorable’ Ritchie. Eek! We all know Ritchie is coming, so can’t wait to see them come face to face again!

 

  1. Bill and Rachel share a lovely moment on the lounge together … Bill tells the producers she has lovely eyes … blue … green … blue? And we all giggle at this.

 

  1. Rachel impersonates Bill’s tongue to the producers, laughs a little like a hyena and admits there’s chemistry between them. Watch this space!

 

  1. There are so many girls from Nick Cummins’ season that we wonder whether it’s a case of rejects or a reunion. The girls quickly gather to hear Brooke’s version of events as to why she left the show early. She tells them she doesn’t want to protect Nick any longer and that ‘he’s going to hate me for this’. We cut straight to an ad break and the whole nation waits impatiently for the goss … LOVE IT!

  1. The next segment re-caps what we’ve just seen (frustrating, much?!) and then Brooke explains that Nick had muffled his microphone on their date and told her that he wasn’t going to pick anyone in the end … OMG!!!! What a bombshell to drop! The girls were all gobsmacked to learn the reason why Brooke decided to leave the show early.

 

  1. The girls all cheers to never speaking of Nick Cummins again … But we’re all thinking the same thing, right … Will we see Nick this season?

  1. Osher delivers some magic and the first date card for… Shannon! Cat sharpens her nails and reminds us that Shannon got the first date with Nick. We all smirk at this delicious tension.

 

  1. We’ve already seen Shannon spend some time with James from Sophie Monk’s season and he’s told us he’s a bit smitten with Shannon’s vibe. James is on the edge of his seat, waiting for Shannon’s verdict … She talks to Paddy first, which was awkward enough for him. But then James gets his chance, and we all cringe as we watch him ramble … and ramble … and ramble …

  1. There’s stunned silence from the other cast members when Shannon chooses fun Paddy for the date. Aww … poor James!

  1. Shannon and Paddy’s date consists of banter and cheekiness. Paddy admits he isn’t sure about intimacy but goes in strong for a kiss anyway … which Shannon describes as ‘relatively uncomfortably awkward’. I think it’s safe to say there’s no future for these two …

 

  1. Applause to the editors for their bit of magic: they combined slow motion footage of Alex without his shirt, sexy music, as well as Brooke repeatedly saying how hot Alex is. Everyone was able to appreciate this segment!

  1. The age difference between 23-year-old Nathan and 34-year-old Rachel is highlighted. Rachel seems more amused by this than anything else but I’m sure there are plenty of fans rooting for Nathan to win this fair maiden!

 

  1. Old rivalries reignite between Bill and Paddy. Bill is accused of messaging Bachelor girls in hopes of teeing up alliances before coming to Paradise! Bill retaliates by calling Paddy a moron. Yep … nice casting with these two! We know it’s not the last time they’re going to go head to head.

 

  1. Other cast members notice the ruckus, but it’s pointed out that it’s hard to take them seriously because both Bill and Paddy are wearing the same shorts. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to have a giggle when Alisha pointed out that ‘they look like Bananas in Pyjamas’.

  1. Speaking of fashion, both Bill and Nathan sported a jacket and shorts for their arrival. What is that about?

 

  1. Paddy … well, wow. His arrival outfit was something and a half, wasn’t it? Even capturing the attention of other cast members. One of them wondered whether or not they were pyjamas … But then later, in some interviews to camera, Alex appeared to have the same top on as Paddy. Which makes us wonder … is there a shortage of male clothes in Paradise?

 

  1. And finally, we see Ritchie! He reminds us that he became Australia’s most hated man when he chose Alex over Nikki. Osher coaxes out the story of his relationship ending with Alex. Soft piano music plays as he tells us he still believes in love and he’s ready! Good luck, Ritchie!

  1. With a teaser for tomorrow night’s episode, we learn that Alex broke up with Ritchie via text message and they’ve never had the break-up conversation! In the follow-up episode Alex will arrive and will come face to face with Ritchie! The sneak peek shows us some of the explosive, raw and uncut confrontation!

  1. Get your cocktails ready … this season has definitely started off with a bang! We’ll all be tuning in tonight to see the drama unfold!

 

 


The One

by Kaneana May

From an Australian TV scriptwriter comes a sparkling debut novel where the quest for love will surprise you.

Fall in love like nobody’s watching…

On the wrong side of thirty, Bonnie Yates wants a happily ever after. Problem is, she keeps choosing the wrong guys. When an ex returns to town with a fiancee in tow, history and temptation collide. Unable to shake her inappropriate feelings, Bonnie flees, becoming an unlikely contestant on popular dating show The One. Will she find what she’s looking for?

Working behind the scenes, Darcy Reed is a driven young producer dealing with a tyrant of a boss. Despite being surrounded by love at work, her own love-life with long-term boyfriend Drew is floundering. Producing a flawless season is her best chance at a promotion. But with the unrelenting demands of the show, how will she save their relationship while making that shot?

Penelope Baker has relocated to a small seaside town to hide away with her secrets and nurse a broken heart. But with The One beaming across the nation’s televisions, she can’t seem to quite escape the life she left behind…

Before cameras roll on the final ceremony, all three women will discover just what they’re willing to do in pursuit of the one…

Pre-order Now 

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