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Kaneana May recaps The Bachelorette premiere!

Oct 09 2019 by Romance.com.au writer

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Kaneana May recaps The Bachelorette premiere!

We LOVED Kaneana May’s recaps of The Bachelor so much we’ve asked her to recap The Bachelorette as well!

Coming off the success of Matt’s season of finding love with Chelsea on The Bachelor (yes, apparently, they’re still together), we have a new season of The Bachelorette.

The episode opens with …

Rose petals in slow-motion  √

Wide shot of the mansion √

Excessive fairy lights √

Osher talking to the camera √

We all breathe a sigh of comfort; it’s like putting on a pair of comfy trackies. We know this world and are ready for a new Bachelorette journey.

So, what do we know about our new bachelorette? The ‘get to know’ Angie clip reminds us that she’s known for her role on Gogglebox and shows us Angie watching previous seasons of The Bachelorette and commentating. She’s portrayed as amusing and names herself as a bogan. In her interview to camera, she tells us she thinks she may have prioritised dogs over men before (do we sense a future group date involving dogs?), she doesn’t think she’s been in love before but isn’t frightened of getting her heart broken anymore.

We’re shown a teaser for the whole season which promises plenty of drama!

A limousine has Angie arrive at the mansion and she can barely believe it. She talks to Osher and tells him she hasn’t had a boyfriend for eight years. She is excited to meet someone to ‘squeeze their face off’ with love. She also promises she has a few tricks up her sleeve … Osher doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but we’ve seen the promos … we know her brother is going to go undercover in the house. Nice work, producers Angie.

Angie is excited and says, ‘Bring on the gentlemen!’

Timm (yes, with two Ms), has long hair, the biggest ever bunch of sunflowers and talks about her being ‘his girl’. Can you believe that sunflowers are her favourite? (It’s like Timm figured that out without the help of the producers). Angie tells us that sunflowers are ‘like a sign from her Granny to tell her that she’s in the right place.’ Tim loves sunflowers too (I mean he has a sunflower tattoo!) and he gives her his jacket when she’s shivering in the cold! She usually avoids guys like this, but I have a feeling this guy is going to be sticking around for a while.

Carlin, the fitness trainer in a white suit, enters as soft angelic music plays. ‘Hot diggity damn,’ Angie tells us in her interview to camera; this guy is hot, and she digs him! She thinks she has a schoolgirl crush on him already AND he promised her a surprise later! Should we skip the next three months and take him straight to the finale?

Jamie, the firefighter, arrives with a PUPPY!!!! She melts (at his muscles and his dog, Rosie). She offers him the rose without even looking at his face! But then as Jamie talks, Angie just snuggles the dog and tells him she can’t even think about him. Jamie is smitten with her, and we wonder whether she’s into the puppy or him.

Twenty-five-year-old Kayde arrives with a comedy Baywatch routine. He tells Angie he knows she’s into movies and waits for the clue/prompt/gesture to sink in. She finally realises he’s trying to be Zac Efron but doesn’t look as impressed as Kayde is with himself.

BMX Bandit, Matt, arrives on his bike. His job is riding with the Nitro Circus. He wants to teach Angie how to ride and then hopefully they can ride into the sunset together. He has his tricks, but he has the chat too. Angie likes that.

Montage of guys arriving with gifts: lucky bamboo, an abstract portrait of Angie, a crocodile, a slab of beer, a meat pie (not the best present for a celiac vegetarian).

Ciarran is very fabulous in his red suit, blond hair, tattoos and a Manchester accent. He names himself a sexual Willy Wonka. Angie ‘defo digs’ his red suit.

Another montage … more guys … Some of whom will be kicked out tonight. Keep it moving.

Jess arrives wearing a cape and struggles as he carries in a ‘throne’. Angie appears nervous before he even reaches her. He’s a local politician for Noosa and gives her a key to ‘their town’, quickly followed by a key to his apartment. Slow down, buddy! Angie looks like she’s freaking out. He tells her she’ll need to work for his address. I have a sneaking suspicion that she doesn’t WANT to work for it at all. It’s cringeworthy watching him exit; Angie claims it’s like ‘watching the Titanic sink’. But he did score himself plenty of screen time with Angie, and then with the guys in the house, who clearly feel amused rather than threatened by him.

Soft slow music plays as Brad enters, and Angie dissolves at seeing her brother. He’s going in undercover to help her find love! This is an exciting spin to the series! Well done, Team Bachy. Angie wants him to sort out the goodies from the baddies! Brad will now be known as Mark.

We follow the undercover brother into the mansion, and he partakes in amusing conversation about not only his connection with Angie, but also how hot she is.

Osher enters and reminds them that the most precious thing in the mansion is alone time with Angie and then shows off a yellow rose, otherwise known as the ‘twenty-four-hour’ rose on the very first date. It’s an incredible advantage in the race for her heart! The rose will be given out by the end of the cocktail party.

Game on!

Angie is presented to the twenty men trying to win her heart. She tells them she’s been single for eight years and is ready to fall in love with somebody. ‘Cheers to finding love.’

All the guys look freezing, rubbing their hands together in front of the small fires. You have to feel for Angie in her tiny white dress.

One-on-one times with Angie are like a revolving door with guys continuing to interrupt one another for some special time with our bachelorette. Jamie, the firefighter, who no longer has the puppy, takes the hit very hard and sooks to the rest of the boys. He’s quickly forming a reputation for himself and it’s not as the sexy, brave fireman.

Carlin, otherwise known as ‘James Bond’ by the rest of the guys, pulls Angie away for his ‘surprise’. He pulls out a guitar. As the other guys watch on, they groan; they’re shattered that he’s not only good looking but can play the guitar too.

Everyone is desperate for Angie’s time. There’s a fast-paced sequence of Brad Mark (Angie’s brother) trying to take in everything that’s happening around him as he listens to the guys talk. He needs to figure out which guys have the best intentions. The twenty-four-hour rose is a hot topic of conversation. Everyone wants it, except for Jess, the politician, who claims he’d give it back.

Angie chats with her brother, which is amusing, as they have to ‘pretend’ they are having their first ‘alone’ conversation. The other guys in the house watch on and think Mark might be a dark horse in the competition. That makes us all giggle. Mark Brad informs Angie that Jess won’t accept a rose if given it. This makes Angie’s blood boil and she’s quick to confront him.

He lies. And we all think slime ball.

Jess thinks Jamie dobbed on him and confronts him. Oh dear, Jamie, our sensitive fireman, gets very upset about this. He had two minutes with Angie and doesn’t understand how anyone would think he’d bring up another guy in his time with her. But Jess thinks this makes him sound suspicious. It’s getting heated, Jamie claims the accusation has derailed his night, Jess pushes him … and Brad Mark takes notes for his sister.

Jamie is consumed by the negative energy. He feels worthless and feels like crying … actually he doesn’t just feel like it, he starts to cry. He tells the camera he’s been blindsighted. Can we just take a moment to wonder how he’d handle going on Survivor?

Osher comes back in and tells the group that one of the guys in the house isn’t who they think he is. (We grin as Timm jokes that that Jess, the caped politician from Noosa, is old enough to be her dad). But Osher reveals Angie’s brother is undercover! The boys are wide-eyed as they ogle the rest of the group, trying to figure out who it is. It’s revealed that Mark is actually Brad, Angie’s brother, and the guys are ‘seemingly’ amused. But once Brad and Angie head off for a chat, the guys look freaked out as they try to think back to what they’d said around him. If I’m completely honest, I wish they had let that gig go on for a little longer. Jess now realises it must have been the undercover brother than dobbed him in (and not Jamie).

Okay, we get the undercover brother’s top three: Matt (BMX Biker), Carlin (guitar playing James Bond) and Jaxon (the guy who offered up the meat pie). Angie asks about Timm, the guy she would normally stay away from. But he’s the guy that brought her sunflowers and she has a soft spot for him. Brad couldn’t get a read on him and Angie admits she’s mad for a bit of ‘cray’ (as in crazy).

The twenty-four-hour rose is the conversation on everybody’s lips … A few of the guys are more confident than others … But it goes to … Carlin (otherwise known as James Bond). I don’t know that anyone was really surprised about that.

Jamie is heartbroken and admits he genuinely thought the was going to get the rose. He appears quite aggressive in his need to prove to Angie that he likes her and claims he will break down if he doesn’t get a rose tonight.

It’s rose ceremony time … two will be going home.

via GIPHY

Angie’s brother’s top picks receive the first roses. Names pour from her lips as roses are handed out. Jamie receives one (no breakdown needed) and then our attention is on Timm as he waits for one … He swears with relief when he finally gets one. More roses are handed out and the very last rose is given to politician Jess (and we’re sure the producers made her do that). She asks, ‘Will you accept this rose?’ He pauses for a very long time before answering yes. He then whispers to guys in the group, ‘Did you see my pause? It was golden, hey?’ Oh, geez. Send him home already.

But from the looks of next week’s promo, we might not have to wait long. We’re shown a clip of what appears to be Angie giving Jess a grilling. I think the producers just assured themselves viewers will tune back in to see that next week!

I think we have a good season ahead!

Kaneana May

Kaneana May studied television production at university, graduating with first-class honours in screenwriting. She went on to work in television, including roles as a script assistant on All Saints, a storyliner on Headland and a scriptwriter on Home and Away. Since becoming a mother, Kaneana has turned her attention to fiction writing. Kaneana loves to read—mostly YA, romance and women’s fiction—and also loves watching TV and films. Writing, boot camp, coffee, chocolate and champagne are just some of her favourite things. Kaneana lives on the Mid North Coast of New South Wales with her husband and three children.

For more about Kaneana, check out www.kaneanamay.com or join her over on Facebook or Instagram where you’ll see her sharing loads of her life, loves, and writing.

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