Brothers of the Vine
Forever Evermore
Women of W.A.R.
-
Charlie going from 0 to 100
This is more of a lowlight, for the series and for humanity. Charlie was the frontrunner in the first few episodes, being a little on the older side (see: wizened), buff, and gentle with Ali, and we fell in love with him immediately. Then without warning, Charlie turned on Bill when Bill got a single date and it all went utterly undatable from there. Let me be the hundredth person to tell you this: you shouldn’t have to “answer” to your boyfriend. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself. Someone speaking down to you, testing you, telling you that you don’t understand your own feelings is not someone you need in your life. Charlie is toxic and we got a front row seat to watch a relationship devolve into something abusive. He was manipulative, condescending and dangerous and we are 100% done with Charlie.
-
That Mills & Boon Photoshoot
On the second group date Ali wanted to have a photoshoot with the photos being made into Mills & Boon covers. This was incredibly cute and perfect for Ali’s season—it was fun, creative and sexy. Jules did a “wonderful” job in being a “photographer” and Dan managed to make everyone feel super bored. This group date brought out all of the personalities and I think we were able to see by that point who had chemistry with Ali. (Taite. It was Taite all along!)
-
The Lip Licking
Calling it now: the next season will have Paw Paw as a sponsor.
-
The Complete and Utter Disregard for Avocados
On a group date in which Ali had to drop either Ivan or Bill, Ivan was tasked with making an avocado-based chocolate mousse (gross) for the three of them while Ali tried to have a one-on-one chat with Bill. Ivan dropped two FULL avocados in the blender like a complete kumquat and made millennials across the nation try to turn themselves inside out. Can’t moonwalk yourself out of this one, mate.
-
Jules
100% Jules was the best guy on the season. Deemed the Human Gif Machine on Twitter, Jules stole the show with his reactions and becoming more of a wingman for the other guys than trying to fall in love with Ali.
-
“Cut that out!”
Osher commands each season but this season we got to witness Osher be completely DONE with these moppets he’s stuck with. When Charlie and Paddy-Whack-Give-A-Dog-A-Bone got into a fight with Taite and Bill, Osher became so exasperated that he left script and straight up yelled at them, which made all women in Australia swooooooooooon~
-
The Dancing
Ivan reckons he’s a dancer. We reckon nah. The cherry on top of Ivan’s entire narrative was the DAY after he was eliminated they had a music video group date that required everyone to learn dance steps. I hear he’s still weeping in an avocado tree.
-
Nathan and Paddy Weren’t So Bad
I mean, compared to Charlie. But we’ll give credit where credit is due. For this season. Literally only this one time.
-
Todd Was About to Propose
Todd, our knight in shining armour, was ready to go all in with Ali. He was prepared to move to Adelaide, push back his career for babies and he had even bought Ali an engagement ring to propose on the spot if she chose him. Much to our dismay, he was rejected and understandably emotional. He softly mumbled that he’d be there if she needed him, and praised her in choosing a good guy like Taite. We were all heartbroken—were we heartbroken enough for Todd to be the next bachelor?
-
She Picked Taite (and compromised)
It’s no secret Ali wants to get married and have children on the ASAP. She said this all the way through the season and when someone said they weren’t sure if that’s what they wanted, the soundtrack indicated to us that she did not like that answer. Here comes Taite, who waits until the very last date to express that he just can’t commit to all these specifics at this very moment. A very real conversation and a conversation that real couples need to have if they intend to stick it out. Ali compromised and chose her connection with Taite over her worldly specifics, proving that communication and respect of your partner’s needs and fears is instrumental to a great relationship. Taite’s arm tattoo is just the cherry on top.
My official prediction is that Todd will be the next Bachelor, and SA Police will still be waiting for him to join the academy.
By Hillary Albertson